Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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