My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You took a bar mat shot.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
