I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
