Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
