How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
