all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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