I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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