Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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