She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
