I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
