Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
