my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
