I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
two words...techno handjob
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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