Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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