I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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