also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
