I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
