could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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