I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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