So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
