My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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