ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
