I think I am morally bankrupt
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize