a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
