I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
