Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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