By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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