I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
