there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
