If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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