There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
