After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
