what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
