I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All the doctor said was why
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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