the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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