I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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