I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
