Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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