had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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