ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
