Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
