Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
