I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I believe in your delicious
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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