you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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