ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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