hell yes lets make some ravioli
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
