Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
