when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
