he wants to bone in the snuggie
I smell stomach acid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
