I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
