i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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