Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
