So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
