I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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