didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
