You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize