He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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