I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
