she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
