You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
