yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
