Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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