on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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