I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
