woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
