while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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