Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
