i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
