the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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