Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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