so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
