R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
