We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a hot homeless man
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
