I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
