At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
