I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
