I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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