ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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