I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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