he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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