I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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