how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
